Reframing Our Understanding of Death

How would you live if today was your last day on earth?

FACE TO FACE WITH OUR BIGGEST FEAR – DEATH

That which gives us the greatest fear is our death and death of our loved ones. For many of us even bringing up the subject of death and dying is emotional. For someone who has helped a terminally ill family member or lost a close family member while they were young, or due to an accident or unmanageable illness, death can cause a lot of pain. Even if death is expected in a loved one who has a terminal illness, reconciling oneself with the actuality of it can prove to be very distressing. 

Because we experience death without preparation it tends to be emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually draining. Death often comes as a shock to us or as an experience laden with unpleasant conversations, challenging discussions about end-of-life care, potential disputes about post-life transactions, not to mention the grief and suffering from a loved one’s departure. 

Thanatophobia or death anxiety, an intense fear of death or dying, is a very real fear. Studies conducted to understand this fear of death revealed that “our physical and mental health and our experience of life are affected negatively when we fear death.”

As human beings, we experience many fears, but it is the fear of the unknown or Xenophobia that is essentially the underlying cause of all our suffering. We like to be in control. Although we know that the fact is, if we are born, we will die; it is the uncertainty of ‘when’ that robs many of us from the joy in life.

Besides the “fear of the unknown” element, some of us may experience another fear, the fear of going to hell or hadephobia. The ‘Garud puranas’ mention 28 different punishments in the ‘narak lokas’. Even ‘Shrimad Bhagavatam’ mentions ‘hellish planets’ managed by Yamaraja in Canto 5 Chapter 26. Many major world religions have some concept of hell.

UNDERSTANDING DEATH FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE 

Death is just another transition of life according to the “eternal truth” (Sanatana Dharma). From this perspective, we understand that death is not a final step, rather just another of life’s transitions, similar to being born, youth, middle age, and old age. We witness our body and mind going through all of these changes, while the inner witness of these changes, our ‘jiva-atma’, remains unchanged. (Bhagavad Gita Chapter 2, verses 11 through 30 reveal Krishna’s teachings in this matter, and are actually the foundation of Krishna’s message to us. These verses are often read when a loved one passes.) 

At least over the course of one’s life, it should become apparent that there is an unchanging principle within one which is actually the nature of the real Self. If one starts to identify more with that unchanging Self, rather than with the changing body-mind-ego, then one can start to see that the issues of the body-mind-ego which have heretofore proved to be problematic take on a different nature. Issues will still arise, circumstances and situations may still come before the body-mind-ego creating challenge and pain. However, suffering from fear or attachment in the case of death is more of a function of the awareness getting trapped in the body-mind-ego. We can prevent ourselves from getting entangled, observe the energy rise and fall, and “let it go.” 

The spiritual perspective also helps us understand that the departed loved one will always be with you in Spirit — even more intensely and perpetually. That physical presence which was more of a boundary prior to death is no more a barrier allowing one to become even closer to their loved one. They will also be in your thoughts and memories, and live on through their values, many of which will be evident within you and other loved ones. By actively remembering, imbibing, and living these values, you can ensure that your loved one’s presence and impact continues to be felt and carried on within the next generation(s) and within the community. 

WHAT DIES?

What exactly dies at the end of the birth-death cycle. We can all see the death of the physical body (‘sthula sharira’), which begins to rot and decay, and eventually recycles back into the earth. The mind-ego complex, which is considered in Sanatana Dharma to be the ‘subtle body’ (sukshma sharir) containing thoughts, emotions, feelings, memories, identities, doesn’t actually die at the end of each birth. There is also a ‘causal body’ (karana sharira) which is considered to be the repository of one’s karmic load (balance of good and bad karmas based on one’s actions through the current life as well as accumulations from previous lives) and samskaras (tendencies, habits, behaviors, mindsets) which doesn’t die at the end of each birth. Both the subtle body and the causal body are carried forth in seed form into the next life, serving as the means of reincarnation. 

This explains how some people retain some of their memories from past births, and how enlightened beings are able to remember many if not all of their previous lifetimes. This also explains how one’s tendencies, which are based on one’s karma, are also carried forth into the next life in order to give the living being one more attempt at working off one’s karmic debt. At the end of many cycles of birth and death, once the karmic debt is fully resolved, the subtle body and causal body will also “die” leading to a final release, liberation, or union with the Divine.

A COGNITIVE REFRAME TO HAVE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH DEATH

As opposed to being something to be feared, death according to Michael Singer in “The Untethered Soul,” is what gives meaning to life. Because there is death, life is limited and scarce, and therefore becomes precious. Without death, we would continue wasting away much of our time, as many of us already do even in a lifetime when death is a certainty. If we actually live our life with the notion that death could come at any moment, we would rethink not only what we do in life, but how we do it. Ultimately, it's not about how many additional experiences that we can have before death, but how fully present we are in each experience that we do have which determines the fullness and meaning of life. 

A NEW 5 STEP APPROACH TO OVERCOME OUR FEAR OF DEATH

A five step approach to living spiritually can help us better appreciate death and thereby free up our life to be more blissful, joyous, peaceful, and content. 

1. Acceptance: Start by first ‘accepting’ the ‘truth,’ that death is an inevitable part of life. Instead of resigning to a life of passive existence, choose to take your power back. Actively manage the things that you have control and influence over in your life – your actions, decisions, choices, behaviors, mindsets, and attitude – to make the most of the time that this body-mind-ego complex has in the current birth-death cycle.

2. Courage: Courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to act despite the presence of fear. So, actively build your courage muscle. In order to not be paralyzed by fear, it’s wise to recognize its presence but not allow oneself to get pulled into its gravitational field. Step back with courage, observe the fear, let it rise and fall within you. This simple act of observation is often sufficient to start dissolving the fear. The other aspect of courage is the ability to take action despite the fear. Stepping forward boldly to take action allows one to dispel fear and realize that one doesn’t have to live within the grips of fear. 

3. Self-Realization: Spend time knowing and understanding your true Self. Get clarity on your values and beliefs. Connect with your purpose. Direct your energy towards deliberate action that is driven by your purpose and a higher calling. Realize your identity with your indomitable and imperishable Spirit rather than with your perishable body-mind-ego. Such realization leads to freedom from suffering and the limitations of the physical/ material world. 

4. Reflection: Make reflection on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors a daily part of life so that you can make the most of each day and moment that you are alive. Such reflection gives you the opportunity to refine and align with your purpose, values, and beliefs on a regular basis rather than haphazardly or not at all; the latter is what leads to the accumulations of fears and the lack of preparation for death. 

5. Connection: Finally, connect with others to appreciate the true beauty and meaning of life, and the unity of all of us. Participate in ‘satsang’ (Divine fellowship) so that you can learn from each other, take support from others, and provide support back in turn. Practice ‘daanam’ (charity) to give back to the community and help develop that community based on these higher ideals and a sense of purpose. Building these connections throughout a healthy and productive life help us to pass on universal purpose and values to others which last well beyond our limited lifetimes.

DEATH AS OPPORTUNITY

It is highly unusual to say perhaps, but something dramatic as death is also a potential opportunity for the loved ones who are left behind. They are often able to appreciate their departed loved one in a completely different context than before. From the stories that they hear from other family, friends, and community often a fuller picture emerges of the deceased – the impact that they had on others, the value and benefit they provided to society. Death is also often an opportunity for reconciliation with loved ones – especially if there is some anticipation of death, individuals are able to share their thoughts and feelings more freely and openly about each other, come to terms with differences, and let bygones truly be bygones. Death can often give greater clarity to the values of the deceased and allow that to become a more integral part of their loved ones. Death also creates an opportunity for the loved ones to evolve – not necessarily to recover, forget, get back to normal, as much as to grow, learn, build deeper connections, and develop a healthier appreciation for life through death. Ironically, once freed of physical boundaries, loved ones can actually experience the deceased even more fully and freely than they were able to when bound in the physical, emotional, psychological baggage of material reality.  

DEATH AS LIBERATION

ihaamutra viraktasya nityaanityavivekinah

aashcharyam mokshakaamasya mokshaad eva vibheeshika

(Ashtavakra Samhita, Chapter 3, Verse 8)

It is surprising that one who is disinterested in this world and the next, who has the intelligence to discern the difference between what is permanent and impermanent and who is desirous of liberation, is yet afraid of death.

A true seeker of liberation is unafraid of death because for him death is liberation in itself. If anyone is afraid, it only means he has not attained perfection or purity in his practice, and he has not yet fully realized the supreme nature of his immortal Self.

https://www.hinduwebsite.com/hinduism/ashtavakra/ch03-08.asp